We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
