You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Plan B is the new Plan A
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
We left the knife in your bed.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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