We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
This is my gift to your gina
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
