my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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