Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
