Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
