I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Pants are for mortals
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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