Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
