I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
