he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
