Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
