I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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