im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
