it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
