Pregnant stripper...not hot.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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