Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
