I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
