I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
