Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
