its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I still have a little drunk in my system
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
