i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
the raccoons are back...
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