i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
