i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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