:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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