She said her name was "party"
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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