youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
