She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Floor bacon is actually really good
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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