I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
