You were right. It hurts to walk today.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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