i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize