I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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