I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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