Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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