Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
