I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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