I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Say something about gay babies.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Randomize
