I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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