What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
