I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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