apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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