is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
