i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
