Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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