If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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