It's a beautiful day for a hangover
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
