I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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