I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
