1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
