Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
this is an emotional support booty call
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