i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
How external is "for external use only"?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
