the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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