he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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