Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
