thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
