She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
