Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
