all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
