Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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