I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
