i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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