Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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