is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
