if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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