i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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