Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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