College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
