My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
