what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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