the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Can Purell be used as lube?
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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