Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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