Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
