i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
