Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize