That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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