"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I am spending my child support on dildos
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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