Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
It all started with a game of naked twister.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
