mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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