i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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