please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Im part way to drunk.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
