there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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