Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
