New low: just hacked my moms facebook
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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